For Such A Time As This
Do you feel like we live in the shadow of grief? We are inundated with updates and videos of the latest heartbreak. We are exposed to tragedies and yet not directly involved in the situation. There’s this unexplainable cloud of doom that hangs over our head. What do we do with that?
The last month has been filled with shooting accounts all over the country, but this week it hit close to home.When pastors you know and trust lead the grieving community through a prayer service, when friends and neighbors are the law enforcement officers called to the scene, when you’ve walked the church grounds and know the exact parking lot of the latest gun violence, the wind gets knocked out of you. This sobering reality is an unwelcome combination of fear, grief, and shock all at once.
What is the world coming to? When will all this end? These questions permeate our daily conversations more and more. Whether it’s the horror stories of the war in Ukraine, the devastating shooting in Uvalde, or the heartbreak that happened in our own backyard this week, we aren’t reading chapters of tragic history- we are living in the pages of them.
As Christ-followers, how do we respond? What do we do?
There’s a temptation to run, run away from emotions we don’t want to face. Naturally, we need time to sit and be still - that’s part of the process. But if we aren’t careful, we can seek to numb or lessen the pain in unhealthy patterns.
In the last few days, I’ve moved a little slower. I haven’t had great prayer sessions with the Lord, haven’t uncovered silver linings to these headlines to assuage the questions inside my soul. I find myself sitting, zoning out at the wall in front of me, asking:
- I don’t know these victims personally, yet I am deeply sad - what does grief look like for the observer?
- How do we question what God allows and trust Him at the same time?
- What if I don’t even know what it means to grieve well?
- How do we honor those directly impacted and still go on with life? How do we know when it’s ok to laugh and smile again?
- What about the families of the shooters - how must they be feeling?
- Are we just to expect more and more stories like the ones unfolding around our country?
- How do we not forget sobering life lessons weeks and months from now?
Those are just a snapshot of what’s racing through my head. Yet we are not the first ones in history to ask these sorts of questions, nor the only ones fearful of an unknown future. In a time of peril, facing an overwhelming foe, King Jehoshaphat brought this honest plea before the Lord:
O our God, will you not execute judgment on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You. 2 Chronicles 20:12
That’s what we do, we keep our eyes on our unshakeable God. Isaiah tells us Christ bears our griefs and carries our sorrows (Isa. 53). In our affliction, He is afflicted (Isa. 63:9). He is near to those who are crushed in spirit (Ps. 34:18). He weeps at death (John 11:33). He is ever present in times of despair. And so we press into His character. He is not surprised. He never grows weary (Isa. 40:28).
And we must carry the depths of our sorrow to His throne. In his recent message on lament and hope, Matt Chandler brings up a well-known and treasured verse: “Casting all all your care on Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Casting is an ongoing and continual action. We are called to come to Him often and leave nothing out.
But what happens if we stop bringing Him our cares? If we don’t express our anger at the injustice of innocent lives being lost, we will be consumed with hatred. If we don’t give Him our disappointment, we will turn into perpetual cynics. And if we don’t give Him our sadness, we will drown out joy and hope from our lives.
These are dismal and dark days, but God wants all of us, including our big emotions and sobering questions. Psalm 145:18 says “the Lord is near to all those who call upon Him in truth.” How can we know the nearness of God if we are not being honest about the struggles in our heart?
As Mark Vance so beautifully stated at the prayer service for Eden Montang and Vivian Flores, “We’re going to celebrate the resurrection with tears. We’re going to trust in the God who is bigger than our pain. We aren’t going to act like our pain isn’t real—it is. But we also aren’t going to act like God isn’t real—because He is.”
We grieve. We ask our questions. We love those around us through crying, through silence, in every layer of this emotional journey. God has called us to live in such a time as this, and yet our hope is not anchored in this life. We are anchored to the One who will finally bring us home one day.
I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4-5
Jobs - Our Secret Identities
Adults often ask kids “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Costumes, whether it’s for Halloween or just everyday dress-up, let kids pretend. Even if just for a day, they imagine what it would be like to come to the rescue as a firefighter, save the day as a doctor, or create fun projects as a teacher. But how many of us grow up to be those things? (To be fair some of us do, we have YA friends who actually do all these jobs!)
The truth is, many of us grow up to do things we didn’t dream of as kids—accountants, marketers, engineers, secretaries, the list goes on. And frankly, some of us are still trying to sort out what we want to be. The topic of jobs can bring about all kinds of thoughts and emotions for young adults. Some people live and breathe their jobs; they can’t get enough of them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, some people detest their jobs and think they are the worst. Many of us live somewhere in the middle. It's in these responses we begin to see how much our jobs impact our identity.
LOVE my job.
Loving your job is a gift. Walking in joy is a fruit of the Spirit, so if you are excited about your work, that’s wonderful! But even a good thing can become too important. Do you ever find yourself overzealous to get a project done, even though you have weeks to finish? Do you only feel ok about work if you crossed everything off your to-do list? Is there always too much to do that keeps you from taking time off? Or, when you finally decide to take a vacation, you find yourself checking your email constantly, just to be sure everything’s ok.? You need your job to feel complete—at least that’s how you are living.
ALWAYS looking for a new job.
The mentality that I need to find “the one” doesn’t just exist in dating relationships. We carry this thinking into work. If I just find the right job with the right company, then everything will fall into place. This type of thinking reminds me of a certain Spanish word: inquieto. It carries the idea of restless and worried, someone who is anxiously looking at every single possibility but so worried they just roam back and forth, too paralyzed to make a decision. The world may be full of options for work, but if you’re a restless worrier, inquieto at every turn, no job will ever be enough.
HATE my job
Does my job even make a difference? We can be pretty negative about our outlook on life. Right out of college, this mentality described me to a tee. As a teacher, I loved my students—always
the best part about my job— but I never believed I did enough. I felt behind with every lesson plan, sure there were better ways to teach, but I wasn’t talented enough to pinpoint how. I often carried the weight of the world on my shoulders (a rather self-centered outlook, by the way). I focused on my weak points or failures and didn’t rejoice in the blessings of being part of the students’ lives. Who would want to go to work every morning with this mindset?
That’s a snapshot of a few struggles with our jobs (trust me, I know there’s more). I don’t have this three-point solution to offer, but Scripture does provide truths we can preach to ourselves as we walk through these varying struggles.
TRUTHs
- If you find yourself anxious, nervous you won’t meet a deadline, terrified you won’t stay ahead of the game, or convinced you will disappoint your boss if you don’t get everything done, you may be finding your identity more in what you can do than who God has declared you to be.
“For He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will,...” Eph. 1:4-5.
How often do we rest in our adoption and acceptance as God’s chosen children? God sees us and delights in having us in His family! We don't have to fret about meeting the approval of others (or even standards of our own making).
- If you find yourself inquieto, looking anxiously around the corner for the next best job, slow down a little. How much are you depending on the Lord, begging Him to work and move? Is it possible God wants you to wrestle with Him a little as you navigate your questions and unknowns?
“I lift my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2
“Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. Selah”
Psalm 62:8
- If you feel this sense of tugging/unrest, maybe God is trying to prepare you for a change. However, are you focusing so intently on your own actions and decisions you are losing sight of God’s sovereignty?
“For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.” Eph.2:10
Be hopeful. Pray BIG. He can do more than we think (Eph. 3:20), and the final result is up to Him. Don’t put all the pressure on your shoulders. In his recent book, Truth on Fire, Adam Ramsey states:
God is even more Godlike than you think. Nothing is so big that it intimidates him, or so small that it escapes his attention. He is as sovereign over the difficulties awaiting your next Tuesday, as he is the renewal of the universe.
And if you hate where you are at (which is a tough spot to be in), try living in Psalm 139. God is intimately invested in your everyday life. Your job matters. He sees your struggles. Have you asked the Lord to search your heart to reveal what exactly is weighing you down?
- Have you prayed that God can use your work to make an eternal impact? That doesn’t mean you need a ministry job. God desires all His children to share the Good News so everyone can come to repentance.
“The Lord is not slow to fulfil his promise as some count slowness, but is patient towards you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
God may be at work in the lives of your coworkers. He’s not as concerned about your position as He is the posture of your heart. He uses people in every kind of job. That’s you and me. As you faithfully invest your time and resources in a way that honors the Lord, be ready. God may have some open doors and surprises in store for you!
As we live our lives, we may have a few career changes or a long chain of them. God wants to use every season. As we walk in obedience, He may confirm a specific profession, or He may change our hearts to do something completely new. Our jobs are important, but they do not define how valuable we are. We can be grateful for our jobs and offer them as worship to the only One we need to please. Our jobs are ways to reflect the beauty and creativity of our Creator and point others to Him in the process.
Is My Godliness Keeping Me Single?
You are more intimidating than you realize.
As a single Christian female, I’ve heard this comment more than once. That statement most often comes from older, Christian brothers in my life; the words are said with the kindness of intentions. They are attempting to offer encouragement as I walk through singleness longer than anyone anticipated, myself included. But still, those words cast shadows of doubt and confusion. Why? Because of the unintended implications.
Unintended Implications
You are too much for a guy to handle
—that’s the first fear that enters my mind after these conversations. It’s as if to say that, because I unashamedly (although not perfectly) pursue Christ, I somehow overwhelm Christian men because they couldn’t lead someone like me. But if men are impressed by anything, shouldn’t it be a women’s walk with Jesus and not just her beauty or fun personality? Maybe it’s a good thing for men to be somewhat intimidated by women’s pursuit of Christ? As a complementarian, I desire to follow the lead of a God-fearing man, but isn’t Christ-like leadership more about humility and serving than about being stronger? (Phil 2). In her article on daughters and dating, Jen Wilkin’s states, “Leadership is not about the strong looking for weaker people to lead. It’s about the humble looking for those whose strengths offset their weaknesses and complement their strengths. Strong leaders surround themselves with strong people, not with weak ones.”
You can handle singleness better than most.
After some years, certain friends started to assume I no longer struggled with singleness since my outward demeanor appeared confident and content (which apparently can come across as intimidating too). The truth is, I genuinely regard this season as a gift; my walk with the Lord is personal and dear because of my single years. But it’s still hard. A strong walk with Christ doesn’t mean singleness is without heartache. Sometimes people think women who cherish their relationship with the Lord aren’t bothered by these things.
Intentional Conversations
In the local church, I believe all of us (both single and married) can improve our communication as we do life together. Here are some conversations I believe would be more helpful.
Singleness is good and hard at the same time.
Single women can be grateful and sorrowful, investing their time well while still asking the Lord for a gospel-centered relationship. Praying hopeful prayers for both singleness and marriage creates a better balance because we are both casting our cares on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7) and actively trusting God will make the path clear for our lives (Proverbs 3:5-8). Instead of only asking “So who are you dating? ask your single friends questions like: “How’s work going?” or “How are you doing?” That frees your friend to talk about what’s really on her heart.
Singleness isn’t solely dependent on our decisions.
God is still sovereign, and single women can trust His timing. When the initial questions are “Have you tried this dating app?” or “Have you considered moving to a big city?” in essence people are saying, “Have you tried hard enough?” Could God use a dating site or a big city? Absolutely. At the same time, He could bring the right person into someone’s life who lives in a country town and has never once created an online profile. The better question is, “Are we investing our God-given gifts?” Paul exhorts Timothy to fan into flame God’s gifts, without living in fear (2 Tim 1:6-7). Whatever it is— studying art therapy, earning a seminary degree, or starting a business—mature believers should be encouraging and admonishing women to follow God’s call on their lives. If God can shut the mouths of lions and feed the 5,000, He can certainly bring the right man and woman together when He deems best.
You don’t have to slow down for men to catch up.
Once women start to get into their late 20s and 30s, they hear less of “Wait for God’s timing” and more of “Are you being too picky?” However, just because some women have to wait longer does not mean they are doing something wrong. Yet, that is exactly how it feels when bombarded with unhealthy questions. On occasion, when I sit down to talk with my mom after a particularly trying day, she often looks at me and says, “Honey, you know you aren’t doing anything wrong, don’t you?” My mother is not saying I am sinless, but she is reminding me that God’s good gifts are dependent on His character, not my performance (James 1:17). Walking boldly with Christ alone is far better than “settling.”
Single women can rest assured they are never “too much” for the Lord, nor are they ever forgotten. He is always at work in our lives (Phil. 1:6) and Paul again gives Timothy a beautiful challenge with this phrase: “But godliness with contentment is great gain…”(I Tim. 6:6 ). The more single women walk with Christ, the better leaders and servants they will be to those around them, whether that’s in the local church, in the business world, with the lost, or with a future husband. God has good works for His daughters to walk in (Eph. 2:10) and, through singleness or marriage, He will do far beyond what we can imagine (Eph. 3:20).
Friendships - How Young Adults Cultivate Healthy Ones
“Friendship... is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself.'”— C.S. Lewis
True friends are a gift from the Lord and a crucial part of our growth as Christ followers. When you share an interest with someone, or have a “What! You too?” moment like Lewis describes, your life is enriched. As young adults, we have learned a thing or two about friendship, and they aren’t always easy; in fact they can be the cause of grief and frustration. While there isn’t a perfect formula for making and maintaining friends, we can spur one another on as Hebrews 10:25 says, and as we have some honest conversations about the topic.
EXPECTATIONS
I am sure you have faced some disappointments with your friends. Maybe they forgot to follow up with your latest text, only listened half-heartedly to an important conversation, or even spaced off an important event. Those experiences are discouraging, but there is a difference between being disappointed and being devastated. Scripture tells us that the wounds of a friend are trustworthy (Proverbs 27:6), so sometimes you might need to have an honest conversation to let a friend know you were hurt by what happened. Other times, love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). However, if you find yourself bitter and bent out of shape because your friend messed up once again, then the reaction reflects more the condition of your own heart. That way of thinking is all around us in our present culture. If I do this for you, then you should do this for me. You may have fallen into the “giving to get” expectation of friendship. In his book Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller states:
No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs... you can’t balance the things that are disappointing you and try to move on to better ones. That’s the way of continued idolatry and spiritual addiction.
Somewhere along the way, your expectations for that friendship became a requirement for contentment. We can easily forget that friendships are imperfect gifts to be enjoyed, flaws and all.
OPEN-HANDED
Friendships have seasons. The more we accept that, the more we can be grateful for our time with friends and be ok when timings and schedules don’t work out. This line of thinking breathes freedom and joy into friendships instead of suffocating them. Jesus is the only friend whom we are meant to always rely upon and expect to be there in every moment of every day. The promise of Isaiah 41:10 is that God alone is the one who is with us through all of life. Still, He uses friends in different times and circumstances to help us rely on Him and reflect His kindness.
THE REAL DEAL IS MESSY
Completely balanced friendships are rare. One person is often giving more than the other at certain times (Think about Jonathan and David. They had a beautiful friendship, but Jonathan sacrificed much more than David). Having close friends with whom you bare your soul is healthy. Deep friendship requires us to open up about the topics we naturally avoid—trials, sin struggles, fears, you name it. But, we don’t have the emotional capacity to have those conversations with everyone, and sharing everything with the whole world is unwise. Our closest friends are the ones we sit with after an unexpected loss or after sending a loved one to rehab. These are moments that stay with us. The friend who walks with you through those dark days is a true gift. The NLT puts Proverbs 27:9 this way:
“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
If you are wondering why you don’t have any friends like that, is it possible you haven’t really opened up to others? Being transparent is scary, and you’re not required to share your whole story on social media, but if you can take steps to open up with a few godly people, you will begin to experience the beauty of messy friendship.
In short, how do we cultivate good friendships? We learn how to be good friends ourselves first. We serve alongside our friends or help them move when they change apartments for the 47th time. We ask good questions when they seem overwhelmed but haven’t admitted it to themselves. And we sit with them when life is broken and words aren’t needed.
As we cultivate being this kind of friend, God may bless us with sweet friendships. But even in that obedience, we may still face periods of loneliness. Those seasons are also by design. In the moments when we are alone or disappointed, whether by the messiness or absence of friendship, the promises of God and His character become dearer to our hearts:
For I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, who says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13