After the initial excitement of group formation begins to wear off, it can be easy for group relationships to plateau. If you want people in your group to continue to experience life change together, you’ll need to intentionally pursue intimacy. As a leader, this can seem like a daunting task, but it is possible! Watch this Two-Minute Training video for some ways to help your group start to grow closer this week.

No matter how you look at it, Jesus left us on earth to be and make disciples. At Saylorville, we say it this way: We exist to make more people be more like Jesus. One of the best ways to do this is to be intentional about inviting others into the Biblical community we’ve found. When others join us, the community grows, and multiplies. Multiplication is actually a normal part of the growth process of healthy groups. But, sometimes multiplication can be a hard pill to swallow for your group members who have grown to love each other, live authentically with each other, and share life with each other. The way you talk to your group about multiplying will be key in the way the mission of disciple-making continues in our church and around the world.

As Community Group leaders, it’s both a privilege and a priority to care for those in our group. In fact, we believe that most basic shepherding needs can be addressed within the context of our groups. As a leader, here are some of the best ways you can provide comfort and care to your group members who are facing difficult situations.

Speak biblically. Psalm 34:18-19 is a powerful reminder that our comfort ultimately comes from God, not from man. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” Be sure to offer hope and comfort from Scripture, not simply from your own experiences.

Offer time and attention. Knowing that you are available may be all that someone needs. Attention is often the best gift we can give someone. Giving attention says, “You’re important to me. I care about you.” Intentionally setting aside distractions and offering to make time for someone may open up a great opportunity to provide comfort. Even if you can’t be with someone physically, a phone call, a meaningful text message, or an encouraging email can mean the world to someone struggling.

Communicate acceptance and hope. In other words, smile. Show them that you are for them. Express confidence in them. If they are confessing a sin struggle, don’t act horrified. Instead, say, “Thanks so much for being open and honest with me. I really appreciate your transparency.”

Be an active listener. This is how you earn trust with them. Don’t just pay attention, actually listen to them and make it clear you are doing so. Sit face-to-face with the other person. Lean in. Ask follow-up questions. Show them that you are genuinely hearing them, and that you care.

Maintain confidentiality. This should go without saying, but don’t pass along what they share with you or with the group without a very important reason for doing so. And don’t gossip about what was shared in the group with other group members. In general, the only time you should break confidentiality is when someone is threatening to injure themselves or others.

Uphold appropriate boundaries. Before you get into an emotional counseling situation with someone in your group, be sure to define the parameters. If at all possible, don’t spend alone time with someone of the opposite gender. Include your spouse or your co-leaders in emotional conversations, emails, or messages.

Celebrate their growth. Growth is a process. It takes time for people to walk through pain, hurt, and difficult situations. Walk alongside them through the journey, and celebrate when they grow.

Know your own limits. Don’t burn yourself out on one person’s needs and neglect the rest of your group. Recognize your own span of care, your own level of ability, and refer them to help when necessary. Contact our Discipleship Pastor if you need help thinking through this.

Sharing life with people in your group means you’ll spend time comforting hurting people.

Don’t forget what the Apostle Paul said in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

Living life together in community brings out the good and bad in all of us. One of the hard things about leading is dealing with outbursts and conflict during a group. You can be having great conversation and then someone interrupts, rambles, tries to speak loudest, or forcefully shares their opinion to the group. You might sense some tension. You might even notice that some people are outwardly offended or hurt. Don’t be discouraged. This is a great opportunity to shepherd your group together.

Affirm people for the fact that they shared, not necessarily what was shared or how it was shared. Your Community Group needs to be a safe place for people to share, process, and do life together. As a leader you want to encourage transparency while inviting people to grow. In the moment after a verbal outburst it’s important for you to affirm the person for sharing. Tell them, “Hey thanks for sharing. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective.” You’re not affirming what they said or how they said it but you are letting them know that you appreciate the fact that they shared. As the leader, you protect the safety of the atmosphere of your group. Praise people for their transparency, even if you don’t agree with their opinion.

Quickly move on. After affirming the individual for sharing, move the conversation on. If you are in the middle of sermon questions, go to the next question. If you are eating dinner together around the table, move the group to the living room to start discussion. As much as you can, don’t dwell on the topic/atmosphere that the tension centered around. The burden of this is on you as the leader. If the conflict continues, simply let the person know you will get together with them personally to talk about the subject later.

Follow up with the individual. After the group meeting is over, take some time to get with the individual alone. Avoid confronting them in front of the whole group. It might be best to call them after group is over. Approach them humbly as you challenge them. You could say something like, “Hey, I noticed you were pretty passionate tonight. I’m sorry if I said something to offend you.” This should get the person talking and will potentially uncover some heart issues. First, address how the individual responded. Refer to 1 Corinthians 13 and the way of love. No matter what we say, if we don’t say it in love it’s like a clanging symbol. Then, address the issue and deal with it appropriately. If there is sin that needs to be dealt with, don’t be afraid to deal with it biblically. If it’s appropriate, encourage reconciliation with your group at the next group gathering.

Dealing with outbursts in your group is an important skill to learn as a Community Group leader. Remember…affirm, move on, and follow up.

By Curtis Johnson

Ecclesiastes chapter three starts like this, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” While this verse isn’t written specifically to address small group leaders in the 21st century, we can definitely apply the general principle. There are unique times and seasons that offer opportunities that are unique to those times and seasons! In our context, the summer months bring the greatest transition in routine, schedule, and focus of the entire year. But as a Community Group leader, does that mean your ministry in the lives of people takes a three-month vacation? Or does the summer offer some unique opportunities to adjust the way you do ministry? Here are three simple ways to shift your energies without losing relational momentum during the summer:

Spend regular time with your co-leaders or potential co-leaders. Let’s face it, it’s tough to carve out time to train and equip your co-leaders during the busyness of the school year. The summer shift gives you that opportunity. Work hard to schedule regular time with your co-leaders during the summer. Get coffee every Saturday morning, have your co-leader’s family come to dinner every other week, or work through the Two:22 Discipleship material together. Spend intentional time praying, dreaming, and talking about the upcoming Community Group season. If your group is multiplying, use this time to discuss what the two new groups will look like.

Get together with part of the group every few weeks. Use the summer months to be with some of the couples or individuals in your group that you might not have been able to spend much time with during the school year. For instance, have a barbecue with the two families that were new to your group this season. Or, invite that single mom and her children over for lunch on Sunday afternoon. No pressure, no agenda, just be with people in your group in a different setting. These small investments can make a big difference in the way your group connects when the weekly meetings kick off again.

Meet socially as a whole group every month. Before your last get-together of the spring season, be sure to put some dates on the calendar. If you can plan ahead, you’ll have a much better chance of everyone being available. When you do get together, keep it light-hearted. Play games, eat together, relax, or go on a day trip. Just make some fun memories with your group. By the way, don’t feel like you need to be the one organizing every summer gathering. Ask people in your group to plan the events. Share ownership of these simple group get-togethers and watch how your group rises to the occasion.

When your regular weekly group meetings end for the season, don’t clock out. The summer provides some unique opportunities to continue to lead your group to experience life change together. Make an intentional shift and use the summer months to lay the foundation for the fall and beyond.

As a Cell Group leader, you’ll have the privilege of walking with married couples through some of the best and worst of times. We created this resource to help you walk through some difficult marriage conversations with your group. The discussion guide is based on a Saylorville Story that God used in our church to convict of sin, spark open conversations, and heal broken marriages. It’s a story of pain and restoration, failure and forgiveness, and hope for couples everywhere. The uniqueness of this story isn’t that it happened, it’s how the couple responded to what happened. If you have married couples in your group, consider using this resource, “Restoring the Joy of Marriage”, to provide some preventative marriage maintenance together.

Get the discussion guide here.

Watch the Saylorville Story video here.

When a family in your Community Group welcomes a new child it’s a time of celebration! Whether that child came biologically or through adoption/fostering, we rejoice with our people and plan ahead to come along side serving them in their time of need. A new baby/child changes a family dynamic and gives Community Groups a great opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus in tangible ways. As leaders, it’s our job to assemble our groups and help these families as they transition and grow. Here are a few ways we can be proactive:

Set up a meal plan. A very tangible way to minister to a family of a new baby is to set up some meals for them during their transition time. This will require some planning on your part but will pay large dividends in the end. A few weeks before the baby arrives carve out some time to get directions from the parents-to-be: Do they have allergies or food aversions? How many will be eating? What time do they want their meals delivered?

There are two websites that are often used when setting up online meals: takethemameal.com and mealtrain.com. Both of these websites allow you to plug in all the information you’ve gathered from the family, plug in address and phone numbers, etc. This makes it easy to allow others to jump in and serve.

There is also the “old fashioned” method of just asking people in your group to take a meal. Write up your own schedule, pass it around at Community Group and encourage your people to plan ahead.

The responsibility of making and taking meals doesn’t all fall on one person – everyone in the group should participate! You, as the leader, need to set up the plan and encourage people to sign up and serve. Don’t forget to sign up for a meal date yourself. We lead by example!

Plan a visit to the hospital. Some new parents may desire a visit during their hospital stay. Saylorville Church tries to send at least one pastor to the hospital to visit and pray with new parents, but as our church grows we rely on our Community Group leaders. Find out ahead of time if the family is open to visitors or if they prefer a quiet hospital stay. Be respectful of their wishes. You can then pass that info on to your Community Group.

Offer Care. The first few weeks after a new baby/child can be an exhausting time for a family, particularly the mother. Are there other ways your group could step in to lighten the load? If there is no extended family living near, this would be especially appreciated. A few ideas to care for a new family:

• Caring for other children in the family
• Picking up groceries or running other errands
• Small housework tasks or even yard work

Work together as a group to think of creative ways to bless the new family. Most importantly, be praying for them as they transition and be patient as they blend back into your group.

Keep an eye on that meal plan. As a group leader you will want to keep an eye on the meal plan making sure people are getting signed up. Be proactive seeking out families to take a meal. Share the link to the meal plan on social media. If you are still having a hard time filling the plan (and everyone in your group has signed up) let the church office know – often they will know of people who will want to help.

The body of Christ in action is an awesome thing! When we sacrificially spend time, money, and effort on our people great things can happen. God calls us to care for each other!

Check out this charge from Alexander Strauch in his book, “The Hospitality Commands”, “…we are to actively pursue, promote, and aspire to hospitality. We are to think about it, plan for it, prepare for it, pray about it, and seek opportunities to do it.”

Caring for a family of a new child takes planning and it’s our privilege to love on them in this way!

Counseling is like jazz. We have a melody, but not a script. We must improvise within boundaries.

Benny Green – “A jazz musician is a juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.”

Counseling Defined:

• Giving people the Bible in a way they can understand, so they can change.
• 2 Timothy 3:16-17
• Romans 12:8

Counseling Myths:

1. The myth that preaching solves everything
   1. Jesus’ communication was 80% conversations and 20% preaching
2. The myth that counseling only happens when you “go to counseling”
   1. It’s happening on the bus, in the cafeteria, and on the athletic field
3. The myth that only trained professionals can counsel
   1. God has given you a specific situation, His Word, His Holy Spirit – why not?
   2. Trained counselors are the emergency room. Community Group leaders are the weekly check-ups.

Every Christian is a counselor:

1. Matthew 7:1-6
   1. Vs 5 – Help your brother when you see something!
   2. Vs. 3-4 – Deal with your own sin first
   3. Vs. 1-2 – Believe the best, because that’s what you want people to believe about you
   4. The goal is unity, restoration, and community
2. Acts 20:17-21
   1. Paul lived alongside people (in community)
   2. Teaching publicly and privately
   3. Urging people to change
3. Jesus counseled both publicly and privately
   1. Public – Sermon on the Mount, feeding of the 5,000, public healings
   2. Private – Woman at the well, Mary and Martha, his disciples
4. Ephesians 4:11-16
   1. Speaking and hearing the truth in love from community is the way we grow

Examples of real issues people in your Community Group struggle with:

• Drugs and alcohol
• Sexual impurity
• Gambling
• Laziness
• Pornography
• Etc.

Where do these issues come from?

• Realize what the real issue is

1. 1. Our lives are lived in the context of our circumstances, sin, and suffering
      1. 1 Peter 4:12
   2. Our behavior, thoughts, and emotions are all connected
      1. Phil 4:4-9
   3. Our behavior, thoughts, and emotions all come from our heart
      1. Mark 7:21-23
      2. 1 Peter 1:22
   4. Our behavior, thoughts, and emotions all reveal our real desires
      1. James 1:14-15
   5. Our desires are ultimately rooted in our worship
      1. Romans 1:22-25
      2. Ezekiel 36:24-26
      3. Colossians 3:5
      4. Am I making God-centered choices, or Man-centered choices?

So, how do we help our community?

1. Start and end with the Bible

• • Hebrews 4:12
  • There isn’t one problem, issue, mess that someone is in that the Bible doesn’t help makes sense of.

1. Mind the gap

• • Try to understand the difference between you and the person you are talking to
    • Family background
    • Place where they were brought up
    • Ethnic or racial cultures
    • Economic situation
    • Emotional makeup
    • Man/Woman

1. Listen in love

• • Proverbs 18:15
  • Luke 10:40-41
  • Give full attention
  • Eye contact
  • Respond appropriately
  • Body language
  • Ask good questions (Sherlock Holmes)
    • Circumstances – What is happening?
    • Behavior – What are you doing about it?
    • Thoughts – What are you thinking about it?
    • Emotions – How are you feeling about it?
    • Worship – Why are you thinking, doing, and feeling what you are?
      • What do you love/hate?
      • What do you want/hope for?
      • What do you fear/concerns you?
      • What do you think you need?
      • Where do you run for comfort/safety?
      • What do you think you deserve/are entitled to?

1. Say what is most needed (Not, “What’s the right thing to say?” but “What will help?”)

• • 1 Thess 5:14
  • Proverbs 27:14

1. Be part of their continued journey

• • One anothers in Scripture
  • Hebrews 10:24-25

Summertime means experiencing life change together a different way. Instead of meeting weekly to study and apply God’s Word, groups gather monthly for socials. Make this summer a fun time and your group will make plenty of memories this year.

1. Hit the State Fair together. There’s no better way to say “We love Iowa!” And butter.
2. Meet at the pool, the lake or a park a couple times this summer and invite friends to join you and get to know the group.
3. Spend the morning downtown at the Farmers’ Market in Des Moines. Be sure to grab a breakfast burrito while you’re there!
4. Schedule several BBQs during the summer. Try having front yard BBQs and invite curious neighbors to come join the party.
5. Ladies in the group, have a “girls night out” for dinner, coffee, shopping, or whatever the girls like to do.
6. Guys, do the same with a “guys night out” for shooting, bowling, a movie, paintball, or whatever the guys like to do.
7. Go to a movie together and then have dessert or dinner afterward and discuss the biblical themes in the film.
8. Do a serving project together. Summer is a great time to help out at Saylorville, fix up a group member’s house or apartment, do some yard work for one of our senior saints, host Rise Up one Sunday morning, or serve in Vacation Bible School as a group.
9. Grab your group and head for the outdoors. How about an overnight retreat together? Head up to The Ledges, plan an overnight or two-day outing, meet up around a campfire at night and eat, sing, and have a devotional. What a great way to share life!

Lots of kids in your group? Here are some bonus ideas:

1. Pick a playground and meet there for lunch one day each week. Try to get to know other families that might be visiting the playground too.
2. Buy a summer pool pass or a family pass to Adventureland. Throw the kids in the minivan and make a day of it!
3. Looking for a place to watch the fireworks? Grab and blanket and some snacks and spread out on the grass at Hawkeye Park in Ankeny.
4. Love the outdoors? Meet up with your group to bike the High Trestle Trail, kayak at Big Creek, or hike through Jester Park.
5. What’s summer without ice cream? Get the kids a cone at Dairy Zone on the east side of Des Moines, grab a milkshake or slush at Sonic, stop by Tropical Snow in Ankeny, or check out one of those frozen yogurt places where you pay by the ounce.

Don’t stop creating opportunities for your group to experience life change together this summer!

Part of sharing life with your Community Group will eventually lead you through the doors of a hospital. If you’re not accustomed to spending time in hospitals, you may feel nervous or even awkward about visiting a group member. Instead of waiting until they get home, don’t waste the opportunity to offer comfort and encouragement right away. Here are some pointers before you head to the hospital.

1. Ask first – call the patient or immediate family to understand if making a physical visit is appropriate.
2. Take someone from your Community Group with you. Consider it a good training and good team ministry opportunity.
3. Plan to stay less than 15 minutes.
4. Read Scripture. Have several passages prepared before you arrive.
5. Leave a note or card. Include your contact info, encouragement, and a short note that provides proof of presence.
6. Be respectful to medical staff. Stay out of their way and don’t challenge the way they do their job.
7. Don’t ask too many personal medical questions.
8. Pray for the patient and ask if they would like to pray.
9. Represent Christ, Christians, and your church to those who don’t know Jesus.
10. Talk about things other than their medical condition – life highlights, family, relationships, memories, goals, etc.