Ephesians 4:31-32

Well, greetings from High Point Church! Every time I come back here, many of you don’t know, probably, this is me and my wife, Laura… this would be our church home. And so every time we come back here, it really is like coming home, even though the faces have changed. And that’s to the glory of God. There are a lot of familiar faces, and that encourages us, as well.

Back in 2001… (we’re not there yet, I’m not ready to start the sermon, yet. Are you kidding me? I gotta say hello!) Back in 2001, because of the ministry of Saylorville Church, a guy named Chuck De Cleene… many of you know, maybe you don’t know, because he’s in other churches now too… but he knocked on my door and the result of that was a Bible study, and Jesus saved me from my sins. I put my faith and trust in Him right over across the road, and I will always be grateful for the ministry of Saylorville Church because of men like pastor Pat. He’ll always be my pastor ministering to me, discipling me, teaching me. It is truly like coming home every time I come here.

Lots of great things happening at High Point! We are going to start building by God’s grace this year! Yeah, you can applaud! You can not only applaud, if you want to give money, you can do that too! But yes, Lord willing, we’re going to start. We did get a lot of rain, so that kind of hurts with the dirt work. But like my wife told me, “Be patient. You’ve waited for 13 years. You can wait another week or two,” — which is true.

But I am here because of this special series that you have on Real Counsel. The topic of my conversation is on bitterness… So lock the doors! Don’t anybody leave if you struggle with this. There’s a great quote. I actually tried to find the author, and so I’m just putting ‘author unknown,’ because it’s attributed to about 60 different people. But it says this:

Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Author Unknown

Have you heard that before? That’s the topic for us this morning in this series called Real Counsel. So what is bitterness? Well, definition wise, it really comes from a word meaning to be sharp with someone, cutting, not in a good way. It has the idea that you bear a grudge against someone. Anybody come into mind? Let me tell you this. I’ve been reading through my Bible over the last, now, 24 years that God has saved me, and nowhere do I see bitterness is a spiritual gift, as much as I had hoped, because I’m good at it. But the Bible is very clear, bitterness is a sin.

In Acts chapter 8, verse 23, when Peter is approaching a man, Simon the magician, he says this. He says:

Acts 8:23, ‘For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity. (or sin)’

When Pastor Pat gave me a couple options about this sermon, when he asked me to come up here and share with you, He gave me a few options, and I chose bitterness. I chose bitterness, honestly, because I struggle with it the most. And there’s nothing better for God to work in my life than having to preach it. So let me start by saying God has a lot of work to do in my life in this area. I do desire to be godly. I do desire to look like Jesus, but I struggle mightily with bitterness.

Even last week, I was getting coffee at a coffee shop, minding my own business, and I ran into someone who has caused me such heartache. He’s caused me such lack of sleep. I mean, you know these people, right? You know the feeling. Anger started to rage in my mind. Well, I need you to know that I’m not the hero, or there was victory over this sin. I ignored the person. Yeah, I gave him a little head nod. In my sinful flesh, I wanted to punch the guy in the face! And the rest of the day I drank poison.

Before I was saved, before Jesus saved me in November of 2001, I used to drink a lot of beer. I’m thankful that God has given me victory over my drunkenness, the sin of drunkenness, and so I know that He can give me victory over drinking bitterness poison.

So with that being said, this message is mostly for me. I’m glad you came to sit in on my counseling session, and I hope it encourages you as God did me through the Word of God. So look with me at Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, especially chapter 4, verse 31. Paul writes this by inspiration of the Holy Spirit:

Ephesians 4:31 “Let all bitterness (poison) and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.“

That’s the command to the follower of Jesus Christ. But before we get to that command, let me back up a little bit. So Paul writes this letter, the letter to the Ephesians, to a pastor named Timothy to encourage the followers of Jesus Christ… By the way, Ephesians was known for great teachers, great people speaking into their lives, guys like Paul and Timothy and even some would argue that John was a pastor there, Apollos even. So in this letter, though specifically in the letter to the Ephesians, these churches, there was a familiar outline that Paul would use when he was writing his letters, like the Ephesians. What he begins with as he does in Ephesians and especially in Ephesians, the first three chapters of this letter, is he explains to the church, ‘Let me remind you of the blessing of the Gospel and how the truth of the Gospel, what Jesus did for us, you know, in chapter one, the “In Him…” “In Him…” “In Him…” “In Him…” — all the blessings we have in Christ reminds us the walls have been torn down. There’s no more separation. Praise be to God! — Chapters one, two, and three. He reminds us of the Gospel, and then he goes into application. Chapter four of Ephesians, where we’re gonna talk about most of our time this morning… Chapter four is the application, and that’s important to recognize because of this. If you were to not read the first three letters of Ephesians… sorry, the first three chapters of Ephesians, you would think Christianity is what you do. ‘Don’t be bitter,’ and we would walk out of here and say, ‘I got a good sermon. I’m not supposed to be bitter anymore,’ — and you would miss it, because what Paul needs you to understand is the fuel that’s going to get to the application has to be the Gospel.

And so he reminds the churches like Ephesians, like all of his letters, he gives you a preface of ‘remember the Gospel,’ because, see, Christianity is what Jesus did, NOT what we do. Our lives, my life, bitter Greg, needs to be changed by the Gospel. That’s the reminder. If the Gospel has changed me for my eternal life, then it should change me for my day-to-day walk with Him. That’s the point.

So now we come to chapter 4 and we should come with such holy anticipation, like ‘Yes! I’m so fired up about what Jesus has done for me!’ — in the first three chapters, — ‘I’m so grateful for the Gospel!’ — and then he begins to counsel us, real counsel, and the topic is bitterness.

So if you, like myself… again, this is probably just for me… but if you struggle with the sin of bitterness, here’s the first thing that we need to do. Here’s the first thing that I need to do. The first thing is remember your first love. You know, in the book of Revelation, John writes by inspiration of the Holy Spirit that Jesus says to the pastors, or to the pastor and to the believers in Ephesus that they forgot something… the most important thing… and this is the reason he was chastising them. You gotta understand, Revelation is written in about               90 to 100 AD. The letter of Ephesians was written in about 60 AD, so about 40 years has passed. So something happened in the Ephesian church that Paul wrote a letter reminding them of the Gospel and then exhorting them to live out their faith. Something happened. And I would argue it’s what happened to me and why I’ve become bitter. I’ve forgotten my first love. Look at Revelation 2:4.

Revelation 2:4 (ESV), “But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.”

30 years, 40 years later they had all these great theological teachers: Paul, and Timothy and Apollos to name a few. But theology without application is just information. They needed a reset… and so did I. If I want victory over my bitterness, I need to go back to my salvation in Jesus. Jesus is the reset for bitterness. He must be my first love again. Everything’s gonna flow from that. Falling in love with Him, like the first time you got saved.

By the way, this is why older Christians like myself, I’m considered one of those older Christians now… been 24 years since Jesus saved me back in 2001… But this is the reason I love being around brand new believers, because they have such a holy anticipation to do whatever Jesus says. He says, ‘Don’t be bitter.’ Well then, darn it, I’m not gonna be bitter anymore, because I’m so in love with Jesus and that He died for my sins! Do you remember that? ‘We’ve got to get back to the basics,’ is what Paul’s saying. What John writes for the reason why the Ephesus or the church in Ephesus were struggling. They forgot the most important thing. You want victory over bitterness? Go back to the one who showed us the greatest mercy and grace, Jesus Christ. Look what he says in Matthew chapter 22. He says,

Matthew 22:37-38

37 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (This is the most important thing. Everything in your walk with Him is gonna flow from this truth. Then what?)

38 This is the great and first commandment.

39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

We go back to that love that we had for Jesus when He saved us! There is nothing, there is nobody in my life and in your life that isn’t an opportunity to point us back to Jesus. Do you believe that? That person at the coffee shop, he was pointing me back to Jesus. So you remember your first love, go back to that Gospel fuel, and then we saw it a little bit in that verse in Matthew where he says, “… love the Lord your God with all your heart, your soul and mind…” “… and the second is like it.” This is what’s going to flow in. And Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32 says it as well.

[Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”]

But it’ll lead us to be more servant… — Be servant-minded, not self-pitying. You want victory… if I want victory over my bitterness, I need to be more people focused than center focused. I’m the problem! Ephesians 4:32 says it this way, and this comes after verse 31, which is,

[Ephesians 4:31, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.“]

‘Don’t be bitter.’ So then what’s my repentance look like? How is Christ going to work in my life? He says, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted…” Let’s stop there. If I want victory over my bitterness, I need to think of others.

In Genesis, there’s the story of Joseph, and Joseph understood this. That’s why I love Joseph and how Joseph points me to Jesus. If you’re unfamiliar with it, Joseph was put in prison unlawfully because of an accused rape of Potiphar’s wife, and the result is… he’s in there just ticked and bitter all the time? No. You read in Genesis that what he did in prison was encourage people. You have the cup bearer and the baker, and these guys have a dream. They have like a sour face, and Joseph’s like, ‘Hey, are you guys okay? Are you guys troubled? Can I help?’ I’m like, ‘What the heck? You need to tell them that you’re ticked too! You need to tell them that you’re… you shouldn’t be in here, and that you’re mad!’ No. He doesn’t do that. He focuses on the people that are around him, and he points them to God. Now Joseph isn’t Jesus, but he does point us to Jesus. Later on, we see Joseph does get a little bit bitter with his brothers. You know, he puts a little thing in their knapsack, but then he gets convicted by God’s grace. Joseph points us to a greater Joseph, and that’s Jesus. Right? Jesus was the greatest of all servants. Jesus is the one who’s gonna help me be servant-minded not self-pitying, because He lives in me. In Matthew chapter 20 verse 28 it says:

Matthew 20:28, “… even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

He went willingly to the cross for you and I. The greatest of all servants, the God/man.

Listen, you may not be able to serve the person you’re bitter at because they’re not with you anymore, they’re not around you anymore, but you can serve the people who are, and God will bless that.

By the way, another person in prison I find very interesting. And one of the greatest letters of encouragement is Paul in prison again. He can rightfully be bitter! … but he’s not. He takes the time to encourage a whole church. Look with me at Philippians chapter 2. See the testimony here. See the encouragement here. See the servant mindset of Paul.

Philippians 2:14-18

14 “Do all things without grumbling or disputing,

15 that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,

16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

17 Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all.

18 Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.”

Do you hear the testimony here? This isn’t circumstance driven. Paul had every reason to be bitter, yet he chose to be a servant. What an example!

This is what God is teaching me… Remember my first love, Jesus saved me, then let that fuel be of service to the people around me, not self-pitying. And then finally, you need to forgive and move on. Look at Ephesians 4:32 again.

[Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.“]

If you struggle with bitterness, he says this. He says, ‘The first part of the repentance is “be kind to one another, tender-hearted,” and then “forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave… you.” Without forgiveness, by the way, what is Christianity? Forgiveness of sins is the major biblical doctrine. Just to emphasize that, just a few passages that you might come across in your own personal devotions. Psalm 130 says this:

Psalms 130:3, “If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities (kept a record of sins)

O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness…”

Isaiah writes, and Jesus, God says:

Isaiah 43:25 (NLT), “I — yes, I alone, will blot out your sins for my own sake, and will never think of them again.”

The Bible uses a number of different words to convey to all of us the concept of how important forgiveness is. One word means to blot out, like we just saw in Isaiah 43. The idea here is that it is an erasing of your record of sins, erasing it completely. That is insane to me! — Because I make record of people’s wrongs all the time, and that’s why I’m bitter. He doesn’t make a record of my wrongs. He blots them out! Another common Hebrew word carries the idea of lifting and carrying away your sins. The idea here again is that he is completely removing your sins as if you are carrying a heavy load and He takes it from you. You ever get that feeling?

I remember when Jesus saved me, the weight of my sin, the weight of knowing how much my sin was carried on that cross. I felt like a weight was lifted from me when I put my faith and trust in Him! Still another word to convey the importance of forgiveness, it carries the idea of releasing a debt. In other words, there is a punishment we all deserve because of our sin, and God cancels it out! He releases us from the debt.

So considering all those definitions and the verses you will come across in Scripture as you read it, all considering these definitions of forgiveness that we receive in Jesus Christ, what is keeping me, what is keeping you, from forgiving a brother or sister in Christ, or an unbeliever, for that matter? We might say, ‘It’s not fair! You don’t know what they did to me.’ It’s not fair! Forgiveness itself isn’t fair, but that’s precisely the point of it. Look at the cross! Jesus could’ve really play “victim.” He didn’t do anything wrong! — And He took our sins on that tree. It’s not fair?

Well, but wait, I need to heal first. I’ve just got to heal first before I can forgive. By the way, these are the things I’m telling God. The problem is, I have way too many biblical counseling books that I know I’m being an idiot. This is the problem with biblical counseling. If you read them, you’re going to get the answer you may not want to hear. Most of the biblical counseling books would say this: ‘Research shows that it’s forgiveness that brings the healing, not the other way around.’ You want to heal? Forgive.

But I want revenge! You know how many people I’ve prayed for that I wished they would die? That’s how sick I am! — Because of the hurt. Hebrews 10 says:

Hebrews 10:30, “For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.”

Let God take care of it.

And secondly, these people in my life are meant for me to look more like Jesus. Who am I to say who gets to be that person? Listen Christ’s follower, I’m talking to you for a second here. This is a game changer, forgiveness. It’s a game changer not only in our walk with Jesus, but it’s a game changer for those people that are watching us. You say you’ve been forgiven by Jesus, yet you hold bitterness? This is what Jesus has been showing me. Man, I … wish I didn’t have to preach this. Actually, I’m very thankful I had to preach this, because now I have several hundred people that are going to hold me accountable. That’s okay.

Can you forgive each other of their wrongs? Listen, we have Christ in us so that we can be different. We find our strength to forgive in Him because He forgave us. I have so much examples of where I need to surrender in this.

I was just thinking honestly not too long ago. I have a great friend. He is one of my best friends. He’s a pastor down at Redeemer, Jaysson Gurwell. But this guy… I text him and he doesn’t reply… forever! Literally, it’s an important thing. I’m asking him an important question! I’m bearing my soul to this guy, and he leaves me on red for days! You would think it’s funny, kinda, but it ticks me off! So then he texts me days later, and he asks me about something else. Do you know what I do? — I don’t reply to him for three days. I’ll teach him! He doesn’t care!

Do you have examples of bitterness in your life? So what’s the conclusion? This real counsel, this bitterness, what is going… ‘God, what are You going to do?’ Well, first of all, I have enjoyed this counseling session. Thank you for being a part of it. Thanks for coming! But there’s a question I had to ask myself. Maybe you can ask it. I think, with bitterness you have to ask yourself this question. Am I more interested in being right or being a testimony of Jesus? Am I more interested in being right or being a testimony of Jesus to the people that are around me? I am a sinfully competitive person. This has caused me more bitterness than I’m happy to say. I can always focus on the wrongs done against me and win an argument in my head, on why I have the right to be bitter. When those times come, I need to see it as sin… and Jesus is the solution. He is always the solution to my sin issues.

You know, as a follower of Jesus Christ I can rejoice! I am not going to hell based on my bitterness, and that is good news! — because I struggle, as I’ve said. I love verses like Romans 8, verse 1 which says:

Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.“

There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ! Praise the Lord, I’m not going to hell as a result of my sin of bitterness!

But, If you’re here and you do not have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ through the forgiveness of your sin like bitterness, you are on your own. Your sin, like all sins, will face judgment, and you will be found guilty… Your debt…  not paid. But listen to me. For some of you, you need to hear this. You need to receive the gift of forgiveness right now through faith in Jesus Christ. Be forgiven by God through Jesus Christ. He took your sins on the cross. His death and resurrection is what gives us hope, and this is the hope that fuels us to live for Him.

Some of you need the truth of the Gospel to be implanted in your heart. For the rest of us that know You, remember your first love. Be servant-minded, not self-pitying… and forgive and move on.

Just this morning, thinking I would avoid more texts about bitterness in my own personal devotions, I read Psalm 73. And it says this:

Psalms 73:21-22

21 “When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart,

22 I was brutish and ignorant, I was like a beast towards You.” (Doesn’t that just sound great? That’s poison!)

23 Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand.

24 You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.”

There’s our answer for us bitter people.

Let’s pray.

Gracious and Heavenly Father, I thank you for the reminders that You are continually giving to this stubborn follower of You. And, Lord, I pray that it might be some encouragement to those that are here listening, that struggle with bitterness like myself, that we have the answer, and the answer is You. God, do Your work so that we can be a testimony to the people that we love, and maybe even the people that we don’t love. For Your glory and in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. [Music]